How To End the People-Pleasing/Weak Boundaries Cycle

In part 1 of this series, I established what the Boundaries/People-Pleasing cycle is and why it is happening. This article will take on how to the end this cycle.

People-pleasing is a trauma response and actually evidences deep caring for yourself. You are trying to keep yourself safe. Understanding this is the first piece of disrupting this cycle.

Now let’s get into why it is necessary to end it and how you can find your way out. 

Why it is necessary to end this cycle 

People-pleasing is a pervasive pest that doesn’t just hold you back in one area. Chances are if you bite your tongue and let your friends get away with hurtful comments, you may also struggle to stand up for yourself in leadership positions. 

And not only are these actions happening in real-time, but you are also giving yourself messages about them. 

“Her comfort is more important than mine, so I won’t mention anything about how her comments make me feel.”

“They know better than I do, so I won’t speak up on this call.”

Not exactly the most empowering pep talk. And there is a little part of you that realizes that. 

You realize that you are pleasing everyone except yourself. It might not feel entirely safe to have those thoughts, but knowing they are there is a great first step. Without awareness and change, these patterns will repeat and ripple through your life. 

How to find your way out of people-pleasing & weak boundaries

So what do we do about this? 

Well, I’m excited to share that a lot of it can be swept up with one shift. And that as you start healing in one area, it ripples out through others. 

The big shift is — your self-image. 

When you feel safe in yourself and rooted in your worthiness, boundaries become beautiful acts of self-love. People-pleasing falls away because you’ve learned to feel safe with “heavier” emotions like discomfort and people being upset. 

So, to work with your self image, tune into how you feel about yourself. 

• Do you feel safe within yourself? Do you believe you can figure out whatever comes your way?

• Do you feel judged by yourself? Are you a harsh critic or a loving guide?

• Do you have your own back? Are you willing to defend yourself?

If these questions bring up challenges, that’s okay! No judgment here! In fact it gives us more juicy intel to go on. 

Why don’t you have these things?

Are you feeling judged by yourself and afraid to put your foot down? Do you doubt your ability to get through things? Do you want someone else to step into the leadership role? 

There is so much beautiful knowledge here for you when you tune into questions like this. 

As you surface things like realizing you judge yourself because you believe it’s “lazy” to rest when there is laundry & dishes to do. You can tune into where you got that message from. Is it a message from your grandmother passed on to your mother passed on to you?

Or perhaps you’ll realize that you don’t actually trust in your ability to figure it out. This lets you get curious about why that is. Do you compare yourself to people who seem to read 10 books a month and always have good ideas? Are you holding yourself to impossible standards? Are there examples of times you actually have done a good job figuring something out?

Crank up your worthiness and the love and trust you have for yourself. That will impact your people-pleasing and boundary setting faster than any 3 step process I could give you. 

Conclusion 

Ending this cycle of letting other people walk all over you is absolutely necessary to live a life that feel authentic and aligned. When you remember who you are, and you are proud of that person, the game changes. 

The phrase “take your power back” gets thrown around a lot, and it is the embodiment is what is happening when you disrupt this pattern. You are questioning and re-writing the beliefs you always took for true. You are realizing that you’ve been lied to, put in a box, and told to behave. You are taking back the power you’ve been missing.

It is time to honor your essence though. Be you, boldly. Set the boundaries that honor you. Be a little extra with it. Stop people-pleasing and letting other people shift your vibe. 

Ready to start? Drop me a comment below!