3 Things to Remember when Replaying a Conversation Over and Over Again

Let’s take a nice deep breath. So, something happened that has left your stomach in knots. And as a recovering people-pleaser, you’re having a hard time not replaying the situation over and over again, sitting in the discomfort.

While I don’t know your situation, I have many similar examples of my own, and so do my clients. In fact, a few months ago I was on a call with a client who is working to overcome her people-pleasing. She had a conversation that week that was just stuck on her. She described it as “turmoil and agony” and said:

“I don’t ever want to feel like this again.”

In that moment I invited her to: (and what I offer to you now)

1. Tune out of the situation and observe the facts

In the case of my client, the facts were that it made the most sense for her family to no longer work with this person, despite a previous spoken agreement. She was polite and accommodating in the conversation, and even offered to honor part of the financial agreement. The conversation ended amicably.

The fact was - she had done all she could do and there was no need to continue thinking about it.

Is this also true for you?

2. Shake it out and/or Wash it off

Weird energy is very much a thing. And difficult conversations and challenging situations bring it on in their own terrible way. I encourage clients who are trapped in that spiral to do a big time pattern interrupt. Tap on your collarbones. Shake out your arms. Do some jumping jacks.

Then, as soon as you are able to, take a shower (or mindfully wash your hands), imagine releasing the need to continue worrying about this situation with the water going down the drain.

Rest in the fact that you’ve done what you can.

3. Trust other people to act on their own behalf

You can’t control how other people feel. Rest in the fact that you’ve done what you can, and trust them to reach out to you if they need to. It’s easy to replay situations and come up with all sorts of things that feel super necessary to say. It’s easy to go back and forth on whether or not to reach out again.

Here I invite you to trust them to act on their own behalf. If they feel unsettled and need to say something, trust them to advocate for themselves by doing so.

Step away for now and let the situation rest.

I hope that you find this strategy helpful! I would love to hear if you replay conversations over and over. Leave me a comment below.

P.S. Getting stuck in the replaying loop is a form of people-pleasing. You can learn more about your style of people-pleasing by taking my quiz!