5 Tips to Help with Difficult Conversations
The holiday season is fast approaching and while it means fun, family and food, it may also mean you’re going to have to see that family member who really pushes your buttons. You’re dreading it and can’t take much more, and you know that a conversation is necessary because you deserve to be treated with way more respect. I got you.
A few months ago I had to have a super difficult conversation with someone I care about deeply. As an empathic person with a people-pleasing past, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to this chat.However, I’d put it off as long as I could and knew I had to do it and wanted to be as compassionate for them and myself as possible. I leaned on my conflict transformation skills to prepare for this conversation and am happy to say that it went off wonderfully! I felt heard, they felt heard. We were able to understand each other and move forward together.
The fact is, difficult conversations can't be avoided if we are being true to ourselves and our needs.
If you want community and relationships (without secret unspoken resentment), you are probably going to have to address something at some point, guaranteed. However, if you're an empath, sensitive soul, people-pleaser, conflict avoider, or chronically "nice" person, chances are you'd rather shave off your eyebrows than have to have an uncomfortable conversation with someone. The problem is though, when you hide yourself to keep them happy, you are telling yourself that you are inferior... and after a while, that don't feel so good. So today I am sharing some tips to prepare for difficult conversations!
1. Get into your most confident self
Take time right before the conversation to support yourself. Hype yourself up. Ground into the Earth and the possibilities. Do whatever you need to embody your most confident self - call your bestie, put on a bold red lipstick, rehearse what you want to say, meditate, repeat affirmations, do EFT, anything that makes you feel powerful and supported. Invite yourself to be in the observational Higher Self for the conversation, not the the combative ego that wants fight back. Envision the conversation going well.
2. Embody water
I love to think of embodying the energy of cool refreshing water in the conversation . Go with the flow. Let yourself gently flow around rocks or swells that come up. Remain light and curious, and be mindful of your body language. Try to appear open and calm. Keep an air of curiosity, possibility, and belief that the best possible outcome will happen. As you prepare for the conversation, ask yourself, "What's the best what could happen? What's the best that could happen?"
3. Exhale your words
As you speak during the conversation, let your words fall out of your mouth with an exhale. To feel this, try using the word “hello” and notice the difference. Inhale and say “hello”. Now try taking a breath and say “hello” with your exhale. Another example — try saying “Could we talk about something?” with an inhale and exhale. Which version would you want to hear before a conversation? Likely the second version, which probably feels softer and easier. Try doing this before you begin speaking in the conversation. (I promise they likely won’t even notice) and let there be space for them to respond while you naturally inhale.
4. Let silence work, listen, and breathe
Breathe, breathe, breathe. Always return to that. If you feel any anxiety rising, draw a big inhale through your nose. Don’t rush, and speak from the heart. It can be agonizing to let silence happen, but it is so necessary in this conversation. Think about the fact that you’ve prepared for this conversation. It makes sense that the person you’re speaking to may need a moment to collect their thoughts. When they speak, let yourself listen for what they are noticing and for their unmet needs as well. Co-create the future together.
5. Process and take care of yourself
Afterward, be sure to have open space to do whatever processing you need. Time with a friend, time for a run, time to journal, whatever it is, give yourself that gift as a celebration for handling this conversation. It can also be really supportive to ground yourself and cleanse your energy. (Check out my blog 5 Ways To Protect Your Energy As An Empath for some great tips!)
I hope that you find these tips helpful! I would love to hear about your experience with difficult conversations. Leave me a comment below.
P.S. If you want more help with how to approach difficult conversations in a way that honors your needs and feelings, and ultimately transforms the relationship how it’s meant to, check out my e-book, Confidence in Conflicts. It’s a step-by-step process of figuring out what you want to say, how you want to communicate it, and how to stay calm and collected. It may just be your holiday survival guide! <3
